An Apple Store Story - Part II

Posted on: November 8, 2017 at 11:12:38 CT

Five years ago, I told the Shack I would never again step foot in the flaming bowels of hell known as the Apple Store. Unfortunately, I went against my better judgement, and once again ventured into the future of customer service and technology. The following events are true...the feelings are raw and the emotions are real.


So last week, my daughter unplugged her iPhone 6 during an update and corrupted the whole thing. I went online to try and restore it...only to get an error. I updated iTunes, went to FindMyPhone to reset it...nothing worked. The entire thing is now simply a paper weight that won't turn on. Against my better judgement, I went to the Apple website for help, and of course was met by three options:

1) I could box it up and blindly send it to Apple for "repairs", because who really needs their phone anyway?

2) I could look at "helpful articles and links", which are neither helpful, nor links...but simply simplified words of encouragement and fantasy...bounded together by an underlying smugness that only Apple can provide. Did you turn your phone on? Did you update iTunes? Did you turn on all the lights in your home, spin around 3 times and yell "G0DDAMNIT"? Was this helpful?

3) Or I could suck it up and make a Genius bar appointment...as I swore I would never do again.

Well..a 15 year old without her phone is a terrible creature to live with, let alone parent...so I sucked up my pride...my common sense and my time and made a Genius bar appointment for 4pm last Thursday.

When I arrived, I found something I was completely unprepared for. Not a small crowd...because as usual, the place was packed. Not a friendly staff, because much like Omaha 5 years ago, the place was staffed by hipster dbags in goatees, stocking caps and Arcade Fire t-shirts. No, what I saw was something I've never seen before in an Apple store...

A line.

So I stood in line for 15 minutes, waiting to talk to the cute girl with the ipad. I finally got to her and was met with my 5 favorite words, "Do you have an appointment". I responded happily (still amazed at an actual line) and said, "Yes...For 4:00". "Great" she said. "What's wrong with your phone?" I told her that my daughter had unplugged it during an update and I couldn't reset it. "Oh cool...that should be no problem. We can fix that".

Thank God!

But then....

"OK, we are running a bit behind today, so it's going to be about a 2 hour wait".

"Excuse me?"

So let me get this straight: I get out of work early...go to the ONLY Apple store withing 120 miles of me...stand in line for 15 minutes...just to be told it's going to be another 2 hours to see somebody to get it fixed? Screw that. I"m an adult. I've got sh*t to do. So I told her "No, that's not going to work".

She proceeded to understand, and said I could come back in on Monday at 10am, which is their least busy time. OK, that sounds great. Maybe then I won't have to wait 2hrs after a scheduled appointment time. She looked at her magic iPad and said, "OK, I got you down for 10am Monday" I was miffed...but at least I didn't stand there or risk my life due to the lack of line.

So Monday at 10am rolls around, and to my lack of shock, there are THREE DOZEN PEOPLE waiting for the store to open. I stand in line behind the old people and the 20-something assclown who is talking into his headphones so loud, it is still rattling around in my head 3 days later. I FINALLY get to the front of the line (10 minutes later...PROGRESS) and talk to a different girl, typing away at her magic iPad.

"Can I help you?" Yes, I have an appointment at 10am to look at my daughter's phone. "What is your name?" I told her my name as she got a puzzled look on her face. "I'm sorry, but we don't have an appointment under that name. Did you make an appointment online?"

My blood begins to boil, as the whole insanity of this company once again flows through my system. So I say this girl (I had forgotten her name) checked me in on Friday and said to come in today. We then proceed to play Charades with every single employee they have, trying to figure out who f*cking lied to me. Finally she goes, "let me go see what I can do to help you." She takes my phone and leaves.

THIRTY MINUTES LATER, ANOTHER person with a magic iPad asks me if I have an appointment. At this point, I'm ready to come back with my car, drive through the mall, and take out all four walls in a violent rage. I control myself and tell her the story. She nods..."OK, I'll be right back"

TWENTY MORE minutes later, King hipster douche/manager comes out with his stupid blue shirt, and his glasses that obviously have no perscription in them and asks me if this is my phone. YES. THIS IS MY PHONE. "I'm sorry sir, but the operating system in this phone has been corrupted and has to be replaced."

So there is nothing you can do? I asked?

"I'm afraid not"

Rage filled every fiber of my body, as without a word...I turned around and left the store. As I got in my car, I noticed my own iPhone 6 was dead, due to the battery issue that has plagued it since I got it. I sat in the parking lot for another 15 mintues, before the anger in me began to subside. I started the car and drove away, vowing yet again...never to return.

(slams keyboard down)