Americans with No Abilities Act

Posted on: May 7, 2017 at 12:52:43 CT

Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA)

The U.S. Senate is considering a sweeping legislative Bill, sponsored by the Democratic Party, that will provide new benefits for many more Americans, given the virtual collapse of ObamaCare and other failed government programs. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative reform by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills, motivation or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over." With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference Nancy Pelosi pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million low to mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles, but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of worth, purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and gives tax credits to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory hiring interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this particular job you are seeking?"

"As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember 'righty tighty, lefty loosey'. "This new law should be real good for people like me. I'll will finally have job security without Union interference." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Sen. Dick Durbin, "As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary and benefits for doing so."

This mainstream media release was approved by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Diane Feinstein, Harry Reid, Barbara Boxer & Nancy Pelosi.